Brothers and sisters of the 80’s; Your innocent childhood memories are about to be, once again, defiled by the flash and the crass of the 21^st century. I encourage you to take the time this week to remember the best of times that were also the worst of times but only because they weren’t yet these times, and prepare for Sunday’s A&E premier of The Two Coreys, which certainly signifies the end of times.  Did you know that chapter one of the Dickens classic is titled “Recalled To Life”? I did not remember this from 9^th grade either but I do remember Dream A Little Dream, the first post Lost Boys tete a Bop Magazine tete. I mention this phrase; “Recalled to Life” because we can assume that this is the goal of The Two Coreys, to resurrect careers destroyed by time, drugs and blubber(ing).

From what I gather it’s about Haim (the cute one) and Feldman (the other one) living in a house together with Feldman’s wife. Folks, this show promises to be a white-hot mess of Lohanian proportions! It’s been labeled as “semi-reality” which means (blissfully) the producers aren’t trying to fool us into thinking that the show is anything other a load of scripted bullshit. There are staged fights, temper tantrums, wacky situations and keenly edited uncomfortable silences. Don’t doubt my authority on this point; I have never seen this show but I ALREADY KNOW. YOU ALREADY KNOW.

I saw Feldman on The Surreal Life and he was icky, icky, icky! He was not my “Mouth” of old. I used to have a real Goonie sized crush on the little fella. He was funny! He was a genuinely funny, cool kid. And Haim had me by the heartstrings with his performance as that little nerdy freak in Lucas. And then, when the Lost Boys came out, I was doubly crushed (the best of crushed, not the worst of crushed, like I’ll be on Sunday when I inevitably watch this piece of crap). Both fellas should have quit the moment their second nut dropped. Once the acne hit, it was all over for me. And it should have been the end of both of their careers. In a perfect world, hookers and blow would not have robbed these two of their life-savings and they could have retired from the “biz” and become business men or race car drivers or zoo keepers or something. But alas, Hollywood, she is a seductive mistress and she is also one tacky bitch! 

So my friends, this Sunday, if you look into the night sky (10Pm EST) you might catch a glimpse of not one but TWO falling stars. And as their dignity is shuffled from their mortal coils, say a little prayer for Dakota Fanning.

AND.. if you must…

http://www.dailymotion.com/us/video/x2kqxf_the-two-coreys-fight_shortfilms