{"id":8,"date":"2007-07-16T17:11:05","date_gmt":"2007-07-17T00:11:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/babychoby.com\/?page_id=8"},"modified":"2007-07-16T17:11:05","modified_gmt":"2007-07-17T00:11:05","slug":"pin-splians-it-all","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/babychoby.com\/?page_id=8","title":{"rendered":"Pin ‘Splians It All"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear PIN,<\/font>Whenever I watch reality shows such as Runway Project or My Big Fat Hairy Fianc\u00e9e, I feel a deep coveting for the fantastic opportunities these people are getting to expose their talents on national television.<\/p>\n

I have applied to many of these shows, with videotapes that showcase my “natural” talents but haven’t heard anything back?<\/p>\n

I fear I’ll go mad if the world doesn’t accept and then finally love and adore me.<\/p>\n

What should I do?<\/p>\n

Sincerely,
\nAhead of My Time?<\/p>\n

<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font><\/p>\n

Dear AMT,<\/font><\/p>\n

If you are having trouble with getting on these shows then maybe they aren\u2019t the right shows for YOU. In my considerable experience I\u2019ve learned that if the people you are trying to impress don\u2019t appreciate what you have to offer then maybe you are trying to impress the wrong people. I have a satellite dish in my lair and I receive no less then 600 cable and local broadcasting networks. I truly believe there is a show for everyone out there. Have you heard of a program called My Big Fat Hairy Testicles? Or how about Who Wants to Marry my German Sheppard? Project Greased Runway? If you can\u2019t find a show to highlight your \u201cnatural\u201d talents, don\u2019t pout and stamp your feet, be proactive and pitch one yourself! I\u2019d be happy to hear your ideas for PINTV. Launching in early 2007, PINTV will feature high quality reality and scripted shows focusing on \u201cfamily values\u201d. Our featured programs include 7 Minutes in 7th<\/sup> Heaven, Gilmore Girls Gone Wild and Flowers in the Attic: The Next Generation<\/em>. PINTV will also feature syndicated favorites such as Roseanne, Married, With Children <\/em>and Friends<\/em>! Be sure to check with your cable or satellite provider and demand YOUR PINTV!<\/font><\/p>\n

See you on the tube!<\/font><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font><\/p>\n

PIN<\/font><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font><\/p>\n

Dear PIN,<\/font>Yesterday I found 3 spiders in my house in about 5 minutes. One was on the wall above the loveseat. One was hiding in a web under the bathroom sink. The third one just darted across the floor. Right in front of me! And I had just taken my socks off. Can you imagine?’<\/p>\n

Now when I close my eyes, all I can see is their leggy hairiness reaching out to touch me. Is this PTSD? Or a message from the undead?<\/p>\n

-Scared Straight<\/p>\n

<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font><\/p>\n

Dear SS<\/font><\/p>\n

Spiders in the subconscious are a powerful, powerful symbol. Many deep desires can be manifested in the form of arachnids and other spooky hairies. Research has shown that dreams or visions of being touched in an \u201cintimate\u201d area by a spider or other multi-appendaged being is a clear indication of a desire to enter into a sensual union with someone or something that on the surface my seem scary, alien and maybe even a little intimidating. Say for example a skinless, enigmatic deity who emanates pure sexual and spiritual light so blinding at burns your eyes and soul. For example. <\/font><\/p>\n

Holla!<\/font><\/p>\n

510-789-9767<\/font><\/p>\n

I\u2019m ALWAYS available.<\/font><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font><\/p>\n

PIN<\/font><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font><\/p>\n

Dear PIN,<\/font>I don’t like my boyfriend’s mom! She’s insulting, short, mean and full of vitriol. She always asks me why I’m “spoiling” her son and if we use “protection” and if I’m a “back door beauty”? Secretly, I think she thinks I’m stealing away her precious baby boy.<\/p>\n

She won’t stop it, or even consider my feelings.<\/p>\n

What do I do?<\/p>\n

Sincerely,
\nFeeling like the back door<\/p>\n

<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font><\/p>\n

Dear FLTBD,<\/font><\/p>\n

Let me start by airing something that has been bothering me for years. Since when did \u201cBack Door\u201d become a dirty word or an insult? There is nothing wrong with the back door. It\u2019s a perfectly good port of entry. Back doors often lead to cozy kitchens, the scent of mom\u2019s fresh baked bread wafting in the air. Back doors are an excellent escape route for when the feds come a knocking, poking around your hard earned collection of Nazi porn. Back doors are a beacon of hope for the oppressed, used by maids, nannies and other \u201cdomestics\u201d for centuries. Would we insult these hardworking, dusky skinned comrades by lowering their preferred entryway to nothing more then a dirty joke? I say, viva the back door! It may be a tighter squeeze but the payoff is well worth it. Man is it worth it!<\/font><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font><\/p>\n

Dear Pin,<\/font>I’m confused!!! I have to vote for governor next Tuesday and I don’t know what to do!!! I got my sample ballot and you’re not on it!!!<\/p>\n

Please help.<\/p>\n

The Terminator.<\/p>\n

<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font><\/p>\n

Dear TT,<\/font><\/p>\n

Voting is for suckers. Do you really think YOU can make a difference? Celebrate your American Freedom next Tuesday by renting a double feature of Pumping Iron and PIN of Many Peters. <\/font><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font><\/p>\n

Dear Pin,<\/font>What happens when we die?<\/p>\n

<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font><\/p>\n

Dear PIN,<\/font>Recently, my mother, who left our family when I was only 4 years old has come back into my life. This wouldn’t be a problem but she keeps insisting to dad that he get us all “baptized” and start reading from “The Bible.” I started reading that book and it says that we all came from two naked (AND FULLY SKINNED!) people who ate apples and talked to snakes!<\/p>\n

I know it sounds crazy, but my little sister is starting to believe! She even wants me to go to a “church” with her.<\/p>\n

What do I do?<\/p>\n

Sincerely,
\nI Know I Came from PIN<\/p>\n

<\/font><\/p>\n

Dear IKICFP,<\/font><\/p>\n

Well, firstly, did you read what you just wrote? Apple-eating freaks with skin?? Does that make any sense to YOU? It sounds pretty crazy to me too. The truly frightening part is that much of this country, nay; much of this world believes this very same hooey your mother is trying to cram down you and your sister\u2019s throat. The \u201cBible\u201d you speak of is full of awful lies designed to terrify and shame. The Book of PIN is full of truths that engage the mind, spirit and body.\u00a0 <\/span>Does your mother ever take you to church? Is it very boring and no fun at all? Does it excite and stimulate any part of your parts? Now please relax a moment while I show you The Need. There, did you feel that? That beautiful tingle I just gave you is the TRUTH. The Need will set you free, not some made up magical unicorns and faeires BS these Christians are selling. <\/font><\/p>\n

Now son, what you need to do is to show your mother The Need. I put it in you and you can now put it in her. Then you can show your sister. <\/font><\/p>\n

Hey, PIN is NIP backwards!,<\/font><\/p>\n

PIN<\/font><\/p>\n

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Dear PIN,\u00a0<\/font><\/p>\n

I love your column! I am planning to marry the man of my dreams this August. Although his parents are wonderful, I’m a little concerned about the role that they still play in his life…particularly his mother. She still does my fianc\u00e9’s laundry, cooks his lunches, lays out his clothes and calls him at least twelve times a day. I wouldn\u2019t mind it so much except he keeps a large framed photo of her over his bed. Should I be concerned or glad to have found a man that really loves his mother? <\/font><\/p>\n

Mostly Overjoyed, Maybe a Little Uncertain of Virginia (his mom),<\/font><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/font>Dear MOMLUV,<\/font><\/p>\n

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a strong love bond between mother and son. Don\u2019t forget that your fianc\u00e9 once took up residence in this woman\u2019s fertile womb and entered the world through her Need Hole. I\u2019m assuming your fianc\u00e9 has been in your Need Hold but I doubt if he\u2019s ever crammed is entire HEAD in there. You mention that both his parents are wonderful. Have you explored a closer relationship with the Father? What is he doing while wifey is busy doting on son? Perhaps there are some fun games or activities you two could enjoy together. Still concerned, you and Papa can show Mama and Son what you\u2019ve been up to and all four of you can enjoy some close, family bonding. <\/font><\/p>\n

Hurray for the California King!,<\/font><\/p>\n

PIN<\/font><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>\u00a0<\/font>I’m pretty embarrassed to be asking this question, but it’s been on the back of my mind for awhile now.<\/font><\/strong>I think I stink. <\/font><\/strong>Not terribly, I just don’t think I smell particularly nice. I mean, I shower and wear deodorant, it’s just…well, I don’t wear perfume or cologne or body spray or whatever it is that 20-year-old girls are supposed to wear these days. I’d like to remedy this, but I’m not really sure how. I mean, firstly, I don’t know what it is that 20-year-old girls (women, I suppose. Although perhaps you don’t qualify until you know what scent you ought to be wearing) are wearing these days. Secondly, I loathe those strong, old-lady smelling perfumes, but have no idea what other options there are. And thirdly, well, I’m cheap.<\/font><\/strong>So I guess I’m just wondering if you (or your readers) know of any cheap, not-too-strong-smelling…somethings to keep me from stinkiness. <\/font><\/strong>Stinky, picky, AND cheap<\/font><\/strong>\u00a0<\/font>Dear PIN,<\/font>My son is having a difficult time with certain “subjects” at school. For instance, when he is in social studies classes, he “soils” himself out of frustration and also during P.E. he “messes” himself during rigorous activity. This only happens in these classes. He stays clean in english and math but our teachers are getting frustrated with his little “accidents.”<\/p>\n

Sincerely,
\nAlways Cleaning Up Messes<\/p>\n

Ps Our son is 15.<\/p>\n

Dear ACUM,<\/p>\n

<\/font>It sounds like your son is having difficulty in controlling The Need.<\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear PIN,Whenever I watch reality shows such as Runway Project or My Big Fat Hairy Fianc\u00e9e, I feel a deep coveting for the fantastic opportunities these people are getting to expose their talents on national television. I have applied to … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-8","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/babychoby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/babychoby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/babychoby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/babychoby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/babychoby.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/babychoby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/babychoby.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}